from the it-had-to-be-done dept.
Most people know me to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, a guy that kinda takes things as they come but still likes to be in charge of most things. A guy that always lets things roll off his back and doesn’t really let things get to him. This time, however, I had to do something and it makes me out to be the bad guy. You decide after you take the leap…
Many of you know that a while back, I had this come up and such and I was furious…I had to let out some steam. However, time does heal some wounds. Per the post in the link, we were never going to speak to this individual again, that was until she came up to us during an event and made it known that she was sorry for what she had done and stated that she didn’t mean to have what all went down as it did and never meant for it to happen.
After some thought, I had decided to try to get things to be normal again with our friend to see if in fact, changes in her life did occur, as she so stated. Come to find out, that was not the case. The same routine happened and a common event that happened many times over the last year, events that people seem to enjoy. Since this routine occurred, many people stated to me that for the first time, it was not fun for them. Plus, some weird, off-the-wall abnormalities happened that the friend is not aware of. It will be mentioned here, but only briefly.
Almost two weeks have passed and I have been thinking hard and heavy about this…this difficult decision that I have had to make today (since it is after Midnight, it is called today). I have decided that this friend can no longer associate with me, MY Woman, or my friends, for a number of reasons. The following blockquote will be an excerpt from the chat session I had with this friend but with her name omitted as I do not want to cause her any more pain than what she is quite possibly going through. The info you see below will be my side of the story…
1:53:45 AM – Xavior Penguin: well, we need to talk
1:55:23 AM – Xavior Penguin: I have been doing some thinking since last Saturday’s Tiki Torch Party, major thinking, about a lot of things, mostly about where you, I, and My Woman stand regarding about you coming over to our parties
1:56:41 AM – Xavior Penguin: I apologize that I will have to re-nig/retract my previous statement on you coming over during our parties
1:58:54 AM – Xavior Penguin: I don’t mind the talking, I and My Woman and others, can’t take the drama that seems to happen when you come over…when we have had our parties and you were not around, they went smoothly…this last time, well, it didn’t happen, and I had some comments stating that whatever was done while you were here was not appreciated by my close friends
1:59:14 AM – Xavior Penguin: The talking is fine, as of now, I, amongst our friends, is the only person talking to you
2:03:10 AM – Xavior Penguin: the thing is that you can’t come over to our parties nor to our house at anytime, regardless of the situation, unless you are dying and the other thing is that we can’t be around you because I don’t want that animosity between you and my friends to happen, to which it seems that it will if you come by if we are at a bar on a particular event that we go to, we will still say Hi, but in passing, but we can’t hang around, I have my reasons and I am sorry
2:09:25 AM – Xavior Penguin: I am not saying that at all, but if you want to say that I did, I understand and we will go with it as I know I am the bad guy in this. If you do want to hear my reasons, I will be more than happy to tell them to you. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, that is fine and I understand. But coming from my point of view, it has to be this way. I like talking to you but we can’t hangout because of these reasons I have. Ask me and I will tell you them. Again, sorry for having to say it like this, but in the interest of me and my woman and close friends, I have to say it like this. If you want to talk, you know where you can reach me. Have a good night and I hope to hear from you soon.
Like I said, I am the bad guy in this. I know this. I would have rather her /ragequit over IM than to hear a voice in pain, as cruel and mean as that sounds, I would rather this to have happen. Shortly after my last response, her IM was logged out immediately, and I understand why.
The reasons are simple and complicated at the same time as I don’t know how to talk about this without seeing you, the reader, face to face, to explain some things. I will try my best…wish me luck…
- It all boils down to drama. That routine I had mentioned was about drama and how it always occurred when this friend was around. I have done everything I could have to try to prevent it, but alas, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I worked at it, I never was really able to do it. I have done so many things that my friends have basically told me to quit as what I was attempting to do was for a lost cause. I understand now. That will be explained in a bit.
- Emotions would arise whenever this friend has surpassed a certain legal limit of consumed adult beverages. These emotions would be so wild and outrageous that neither her nor I could contain them and that led to very awkward situations to where the events that were planned out turned out a little sour and making my friends not like this individual much at all. This would get out of hand and turn into #1, the drama.
- After some of these events I had planned and #1 and #2 happened, I know My Woman would feel down, depressed about that nights activities. When My Woman gets upset, then I do, because I failed to do my job as her Man to make her happy. That bugs me when I can’t make My Woman happy and when #1 and #2 happen, that did not make her happy, it was just the opposite. It has taken me eight years, eight years, to get My Woman as happy as she is because of her depression without medication. This friend seemed to take me back a couple of steps to have to rework somethings that was undone by this friend. This friend will never know what depression is as My Woman was more depressed than she will ever be. Tho I have a feeling now that this friend is feeling pretty hurt at the moment, again, my fault, I am the bad guy.
- Whether this friend knows it or not or even to know how to tap into it, this person has an energy about them that changes the way people view her, particularly when in direct contact or in the general area around her. That energy, as we had found out earlier this year, is a negative energy that if people are tuned in with their chi and yes, it isn’t a Dragonball Z thing, it is real, to a point, that they are affected heavily. I can’t have that nor will I as I am attempting to harness whatever chi I have to bring myself into an enlightenment of sorts but that is a blog post for a different day. This was received by a friend of mine that affected them in such a way that I don’t want this friend around them anymore for fear of what else were to happen.
- Per #1 and #2, this friend always seems to want to be the CoA, or Center of Attention, no matter how good or bad the attention is. Granted, that can be a good and bad thing depending on the situation but this always turned out bad as again, what we experienced this last event. Having this and #1 and #2 happen, this made some of my dear and close friends leave as they have had enough of the outbursts that happened. That concerned me…
- It seemed that whenever the need arose, when ever some of these reasons came up, this friend became a victim of her own mind. A victim meant that she was #5 and that gave her what she needed, attention. No matter what the reasons listed here or ones I have not mentioned because I cannot think of this, this automatically made this friend to become a victim of either what was happening at the time or by circumstance.
- The final point really hits home as I don’t remember this happening in the past, but, it was brought up by this friend during this last event. As we all know, that on many occasion, that when one has had enough consumption of adult beverages, one tends to tell the truth to one another. I believe this to be so. My own belief that is. This friend told My Woman that she told me (again, I don’t remember this) that I should leave My Woman because she is hindering and preventing my full potential. To that I say, “What…THE fuck?” Why would this friend tell My Woman this? To hurt her or even me? I don’t know. I do know one thing, I am not being hindered by My Woman nor will I ever be. She only helps me to get to whatever potential I have and to surpass it.
All of this is just an accumulation of reasons why I or we can’t be around this friend. I have no problems in talking to her, we just can’t be around her as you know me, I love to talk. But to be around her means problems for my friends and most importantly, me and My Woman and I cannot allow that. Yes, I am the bad guy, I know it and accept it. So rage at me for this if you wish.
Just so you all know…I have tried. I have tried as the day is long for an extremely long amount of time to try to cheer this person up, to make this person happy, to give advice when asked, and to give pointers on how I live my life and how this friend could potentially do the same. All of this was done a lot longer than it should have according my friends. I cannot fix what does not want to be fixed. I cannot put the pieces back together to a puzzle that has missing pieces. I have tried to be a good friend to a person that states she has no close friends. I have tried long and hard to do what I could that nobody else wanted to be a part of, but, alas, I cannot do it anymore. I am tired. I can only do so much. I am a forgiving person and a person with a big heart, according to My Woman. I just cannot handle it anymore when a person that needs a friend doesn’t want help in anyway or wants things done in the here and now compared to waiting with patience for the answer to arrive. I know that sounds bad, but I can’t do it anymore. This was the last straw in this camel’s back and I am sorry that I may have ruined a friendship, but I am done. All the help I have attempted to give, all the things I have tried to do, have been in vain. I guess you could call this friendship a Successful Failure.
This is my side of the story and I have given ya’ll all the info I can without divulging real names or actual events. Just to make it known, I needed to type this out to get it out of my system, to remind me as a journal entry in my life on what I have failed to do, to keep a friend and make everybody enjoy each other without confrontation or mishaps.
To the person, to this friend, I am sorry, but I stand by what I said. If you decide to read my blog, if you ever do, please feel free to comment below. I will know who you are.